Julie B. Beck

Several of you asked for my notes from the Relief Society meeting Liz and I attended with Sister Julie B. Beck, so here ya go! Let me just add—the meeting was incredible! Instead of following the usual protocol, Sister Beck took the hour to simply answer our questions. It was interesting to see that several of my concerns were echoed by the sisters around me. I am assuming that many of you have had these questions as well, so I hope Sister Beck’s counsel will uplift and inspire you as it did me.

1. How do we balance the desire to be a wife and mother with the reality that that might not happen in this life?

Feelings of despair come from Satan. If we don’t have faith, we will act in a way that will impede us from getting married. We will also negatively affect those around us. “Your feelings of hopelessness affect the young men with whom you associate.” Our attitudes towards marriage will change if we are positive and work to make marriage happen for ourselves and others.

Members of the church in Old Testament times were also faced with a world of evil that challenged eternal marriage. In Genesis we learn that Abraham was promised an eternal posterity through his son Isaac. Consider the importance of Isaac’s wife! Because of Rebekah’s faithful decision to marry Isaac, she became the mother of nations. Rebekah was crucial to the Lord’s plan. Each woman should feel that she is too.

2. How can Heavenly Father have a plan for us if we have agency?

The overall plan was taught before this world. As female daughters of God, we fought for agency and motherhood. The response to the question ‘Do I choose a career or motherhood?’ is ‘You choose eternal life.’ Whether you are a mother of ten children or a working mother does not specify if you are choosing eternal life. Look at education, work, and family with an eternal perspective.

3. What is light-mindedness and how do we avoid it?

Light-mindedness is not the same as being light-hearted and happy. Being light-minded is being a silly woman. It’s not using your brain to make good choices.

4. Even though the church has taught that there is no such thing as a soul mate, is it possible to be foreordained to marry one person? (Apparently this sister had a friend who received such a pronouncement in a priesthood blessing).

“To be honest, I don’t know! Perhaps. What I do know is about temple marriage.” Temple marriage provides us with the opportunity for eternal life but some will not make it because they do not remain faithful. It’s keeping the marriage covenant not the covenant itself that gets us to eternal life.

5. How can we hold ourselves to the Lord’s standards and not to the world’s unrealistic expectations?

What would you say about yourself if you couldn’t talk about your education, career or accomplishments? “When we die, we don’t get buried with our Earthly credentials.”

Sister Beck called on two sisters that had been missionaries. One sister had baptized well above fifty people on her mission, while the other hadn’t baptized any. Sister Beck asked the sister without any mission converts if she felt like her mission was a success. The girl responded with a resounding, “Yes!” The returned missionary went on to explain that in Preach My Gospel page 10, it is very clear that the success of a missionary depends on one’s efforts, one’s obedience, and one’s communication with the Spirit, not the number of baptisms. Sister Beck stated that this is the same standard for our daily lives. We should compare ourselves with our yesterday and with no one else. In Doctrine and Covenants 11:13, it says, “I will impart unto you of my Spirit.” It is through the Spirit that we can gain an understanding of who we are and our standing with the Lord.

6. Are leggings/tights with long sweaters modest? (After asking this question, Sister Beck tried to get a better idea of the situation to which this girl was referring by asking, “So, where exactly do girls where these?” The girl innocently replied, “On their legs!” It was so funny. :))

Our style at church should reflect the sacredness of the occasion.

Avoid anything that is revealing. The principles in For the Strength of the Youth under “Modesty” are that your body is a temple, it is a gift and creation of God, it influences others, and it invites the Spirit. We can choose to “do our life’s work with greater wisdom”, have more of the Spirit, and feel good about ourselves or we can follow the fashions of the world—it’s our choice. We require the Spirit to understand our identity. We cannot let Satan mess with our understanding of that identity. Immodesty is a counterfeit.

Young men need our help. In addition to the responsibility men hold to remain worthy, we also have a responsibility to help make these men worthy. We need to be a strength. We need to be a distinct contrast to pornography. We provide leadership in the way we dress and in our influence. “Do not weaken the priesthood.” Be a hope to men that there are women that are set apart from the world.

7. How can we have better self-esteem?

Grab hold of the companionship of the Spirit. Material means or approval from others are counterfeits. During Young Women’s, we received a lot of approval from other people. In Relief Society, we are expected to receive our approval from the Spirit. We now do the right things for God and not for credit or Personal Progress awards. The purpose of Relief Society is to prepare us for eternal life. This is done through increasing faith and righteousness in ourselves and in others. If we do this, we can feel good about ourselves.

“The most important skill you can receive right now is to learn how to seek, receive, and act on your own revelation….That boosts your self-esteem.”

The world’s methods to feel good about ourselves are material and counterfeit. “Go to the temple and pay attention.” In the temple, we receive power from on high. This boosts self-esteem.

8. How do we balance career goals with the desire to be a wife/mother/choose a companion? How can we balance our ambitions in the world with our greater desire to be a wife and mother?

(During the meeting, I noticed a girl in a wheelchair sitting close to the front. It became apparent that she had several handicaps that made speaking difficult. As soon as this question was asked, the sister shouted out, “I have the answer!” Sister Beck gave her the microphone, and the following wisdom spilled from this girl…)

We should be moms wherever we are. “Any act of motherly kindness is fulfilling our role as a mother.” Go forward with life. “Just like Sister Beck said, we need to have faith in the principle of eternal marriage. God is in control. He provides the opportunities that we need to return to Him” whether that is being single to age 30 or having ten kids by age 30.

(We all were humbled by this sweet sister’s example of faith in the promise of family. As soon as she finished, Sister Beck said ‘Amen’ and finished her testimony with the following counsel…)

Get all the education you can. Be the best you can be. When you come to a fork in the road, choose what will bring you to eternal life. President Kimball taught that good women of the world will be attracted to the Church because of the good women of the church. Have an impact on those around you. Our learning will multiply in our children. Education and motherhood should not be separate.

In Matthew 24, we learn of the state of our modern world. The elect will be deceived; there will be wars and famines, etc. However, we are told to not be troubled because the gospel will be preached to the entire world! We get to live in this time of temples and prophets! The work is advancing despite the sorrow. In Alma 50, the Nephites were happier than ever despite the carnage and destruction that was going on around them. It is a matter of choice.

Life is often not what you plan, but “enjoy the ride!” This is an interesting time and we can be leaders. The future protectors of the gospel will come through us. We need to know the promises, covenants, and miracles of the Lord. If we lose hope and confidence in this, the Lord can’t do miracles for us. Every home needs a Rebekah.

We need to hold fast to the teachings of the Savior and renew our covenants in order to receive the spirit. Without the Spirit, we will never be confident/able/powerful enough to do what the Lord needs; with it, we can! Our example is President Monson who continues to be optimistic despite the challenges that affect his wife’s health. We can be powerful in preparing Isaacs and Rebekahs for the future.

Both Liz and I were overcome with the truths taught by Sister Beck. It can be overwhelming to have life take us where we weren’t expecting to go, especially in regards to family. However, her words provided a powerful reminder of the promises that the Lord has made to each of us.